I have spent the day feeling guilty. Crushing, debilitating, heart rending want to slit my wrists guilt. Why you ask? Because my kids drive me crazy and I want to run away.
*gasps*
I know.
I'm horrible.
I can't even just be upset about all the whining and crying because I feel like such a witch for feeling upset.
I mean, what kind of mom does that? My children are adorable. You can't help but love them and laugh when you meet them. They are just that charming. The are cute and sweet and funny and a rare gift from God. So how in my right mind can I feel anything but love for these little
I feel terrible. They are just babies. Crying and whining is part of the deal. I know that, I should accept that. I should not be frustrated by that. I should just love them. Instead I just get annoyed with them.
*sigh*
My heart is aching. I really do love them to pieces and wouldn't be able to live my life with out them. The are my happiness and my joy and my entire reason for living. They have taught me the meaning of life. Being a parent has taught me what true unconditional love is and helped me understand what it really means to be a child of God. I know I screw up all the time and I am going to guess that God doesn't just want to run away from me. I guess I still have a lot of growing and learning to do. Someday I am just going to love the pants off them and never get frustrated again. Until I get there, I hope that they can forgive me and my bad attitude and remember that I am just human and really do love them. Even if I am rotten at showing it.
9 comments:
I think we all have those moments. It is rough. It is hard. I feel guilty too if I don't enjoy every second because I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember and here I've been blessed with a beautiful, smart, funny little girl and another one to be here soon and yet I don't always react the exact way I should or do things exactly the way I thought I would.
It is always going to be a growing and learning process.
Nobody thinks anything or anyone is wonderful every second. Moments of frustration is completely normal. Even moms need a break sometimes. You are doing fine.
This is totally normal. What sets you apart from the whack-o's is that you acknowledge it, and keep on being mother, you don't walk out, you don't slit your wrists, and you don't ...well, I can't even bring myself to say it, but suffice it to say that when your family wakes up together tomorrow morning, you have the opportunity to try again and it might be another bad day, or it might not, but your love for them doesn't change. Just how much you like them at the moment.
EVERY MOTHER EVERYWHERE has felt this way, if she says she hasn't she's a liar or a really bad mother.
You are not a bad mother. The fact that you feel guilt and a desire to be better tells me that you are a good mother...and even the most adorable little ones can get a bit annoying sometimes.
Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel guilty all the time, too. Especially now with 2 kids -- I feel like I get upset with Sydney way too easily. I am glad that we can struggle through this together -- that I'm not the only one. You are doing great.
I think any mother that reads this would not be gasping at what you said but just nodding their head. Every mother I've talked to has felt this way. My sister and I have joked about when you just go outside to get the mail or something and you are by yourself for a second that you could just start running, take off, the temptation is there. Anyway don't be too hard on yourself, every one feels that way sometimes. And I know I appreciate your honesty
Amen to all of it!
You are not alone. If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to lock the kids in the basement and get away for a few minutes....I would be a millionaire. I truly think everyone feels like that, a lot of the time, but no one ever says anything, or shows it, because they don't want to seem weak. Thanks for sharing and making me feel a little more normal.
I think the time for never being frustrated with your children is when they are your grandchildren because you get to send them home. And don't worry, you feel guilty now, but one day when they are much, much older they will feel guilty for inflicting the teenage years on you.
This is Shayni just in case you don't recogonize my username.
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