Prayer Etiquette

Somewhere along the lines I have managed to lose my prayer etiquette. In my "old life" I would never have struggled to keep my eyes closed during a prayer. In fact it never really occurred to me that you could just leave your eyes open during a prayer. It just isn't done. The very thought of opening my eyes during a prayer made me uncomfortable and even a little queasy. But that has changed, every since I had Boston I have suddenly lost the ability to keep them closed at all. I am always keeping one eye open to make sure Boston doesn't take off under the pews or dump his snack or run away or start hitting the person seated next to us or or or......

You get the idea. These problems have only magnified since we had Scarlett. Holy crud did that kid get mobile fast. A couple of months ago she got away from me at church and was two pews up before somebody caught her and handed her back. With the both of them I can't even pretend that I am closing one eye anymore. It is both eyes wide open all the time.

So here is the trouble, even when I don't have the kids I can't keep my eyes closed. I teach the third hour and Boston is in nursery and Scarlett is with Andy. I have no reason to keep my eyes open. Yet I just can't seem to get them shut. Has anyone else noticed this? Am I the only one that is stuck in a wide eye prayer habit? As soon as I catch myself doing it I hurry and slam them shut and try to focus on the prayer, only to catch myself gazing around the room again moments later. There is a reason you close your eyes, it is much easier to actually listen to the prayer when your eyes are closed. When you are busy looking at people's dresses and hair and what color they painted their nails it is easy to lose track of the prayer and get nothing from it and then find your self scrambling to offer you amen as you realize the prayer has come to an end while you were lost in dream land.

So I am have some work to do. I must bust the habit and regain some self control and show a little respect. So if you are ever around me during a prayer and you see my eyes open, hit me.

The Man I Marry Will Be.........

You know how as a youth you are always told to write down the qualities you want in a future spouse? I want to know, how can you even do that? I didn't even know what I wanted out of life, how could I accurately pick what I wanted from someone else? The things that were important to me then have absolutely no value at all now. Even now I can't guess what will be most important to me five years from now. Needless to say, this exorcise was a little lost on me.

So because I am shallow and selfish, my big requirements for the guy I married were limited to two things. He must be at least 6'2'' and be able to sit through 9 innings of baseball.

I know.

Rather unreal expectations right?

Well I got lucky and got both of those requirements checked off my list. How little did I know and how lucky I was that this didn't come back to bite me in the butt.

I've come to decide requirements for someone else to be "worthy" of spouse material are stupid. It is all about wanting the same things out of life. Which pretty much means you need to have expectations of yourself then find someone one that expects the same of themselves.

So now that I am almost four years in, I am finally figuring out the things that are important to me for spousal characteristics. And let me tell you, they are nothing that I ever wrote down as a teenager.

Probably my most favorite thing about Andy that makes me fall in love all over again is watching him be a papa. Being a good father was never on my list. This really brings me the greatest joy though. I love to listen to Andy laugh his heart out while giving the kids a bath. I can hear them all splashing and playing and it is the sweetest sound I have ever heard. I love to see how much joy and happiness Andy gets from just being with the kids. His eyes fill with tears of joy more often then I can count. Our babies are our greatest joy, sharing that with each other makes it just that much better.

Something else I never thought about to add was forgiveness. As in, Andy being able to forgive me. I have a lot of flaws and have so very much to work on. I'm lucky and grateful for Andy's forgiveness and patience. Most if not all other guys would have packed up and left a long time ago. It show great character in the way he handles my innumerable short comings and still tells me he loves me.

Other things that have grown in importance to me are desire and integrity. Andy really has true and honest desires and shows great integrity in all areas of his life. He is honest and does a job the way he promises to do it. He has more compassion and love for others than anyone I have ever met. He will do all he can to help others and pushes me to do the same.

Andy is slowly showing me what should be on a list of desired qualities in a spouse. He has taken it far above and beyond my original, must have a good sense of humor and must like the Red Sox.

Andy you are still everything I never knew I always wanted.

Andy Thinks It Must Be A Full Moon

So I try really hard to stay away from the cynical view of people are stupid, really really stupid. But sometimes it is just so hard. I can't believe the way that people act sometimes. Today I was so annoyed that you even get picture diagrams to help illustrate how incompetent people are. So enjoy.

So we are going to the store, as we are turing into the store we are nearly killed by an idiot driver. Let me explain how.

See the box marked us? That is us. We were headed west and pulled into the turn lane to turn left into the store, thus following marked driving rules. See the box marked B? That is idiot driver who from now on will just be referred to as driver B. She had been driving behind us also traveling west. After we pulled into the turn lane she pulled out around us and pulled into the other turn lane going the wrong direction, then when traffic was clear she tried to turn in front of us to get into the store parking lot first, nearly hitting us. All while talking on her cell phone. Andy had to hit the brakes being as we didn't realize what she was doing until it was too late.

So, I don't care what you think, you can not go around people and turn from the wrong side of the road. It is against the rules.

Then we go into the store. Boston wouldn't behave so he got to go back out to the car with Andy so I finished the shopping with Scarlett. I was at the checkout. I was standing in front of the cart so I could unload my groceries onto the conveyer belt. My cart still had my purse and baby stuff in it. The lady behind me loads her one item onto the conveyer belt as well, then proceeds to put her water and purse and other possessions into the front of my basket.

Ummm, k.

I stand there not quite sure what is happening, when it is time for my stuff to get rung up I just start pulling the cart will me. She is all surprised and asks, oh is this your cart?

YES ITS MY CART!!! DO YOU NOT SEE ALL OF MY POSSESSIONS IN THERE?

Just because my groceries are out doesn't make it fair game. All of my other stuff is still there. It is not appropriate to share carts with strangers ever, or to just take it while someone is using it.

So we get back in the car and head home. Only to see another idiot driver almost cause a huge accident that would have hit us in the backlash. And for your reading pleasure, another handy diagram.
Car A is in the turn lane waiting for traffic to clear to turn left. Car B is at a store also waiting for traffic to clear to turn left. Now here is where it gets tricky, car B (or idiot driver) YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. You have to wait for car A to move before you can turn. Car B doesn't care. Car B flies out in front of us and turns left in front of car A just as car A is trying to turn left. Lucky that car A slams on the brakes in time to make up for car B's stupidity.

So there you go. Just a couple of life lessons and driving lessons that can benefit everyone.

See, I knew I would feel better after getting that out there.

Thank You Glamour

As a new (ish) mom with the resulting new body I am glad to see pictures likes this. This is real. This is what women look like. I have lost all the weight and then some and I still have that same belly. I am at a better weight than I have been in years, a weight that is perfectly healthy and in proper BMI for my height and I still have rolls. This is what we need to see. No more photoshop, no more wishing for a personal trainer and chef. She is beautiful in all her soft and saggy belly glory. She is confident and healthy and gorgeous.

You can check out Glamours reader response to it here

Memories

These are from the 4th of July weekend. So I'm a month behind, so what. Just thought I would post them now because I just love the Beams that much!

Can't you see why everyone thinks we are sisters?

Oh the many family resemblances, I can see now exactly why people think Andy and Kim are twins.

WE MISS YOU BEAMS!!!!!

The Elusive Stupid Imaginary Number

Numbers are fake and I hate that my entire life is run by numbers. Fake numbers, imaginary number that don't actually exist. They are merely an idea, or a concept.

Money is just a number that doesn't exit. I work, they direct deposit money into my account by computer and my number goes up. I pay a bill online and my number goes down and the company that billed me has their number go up. It is all fake and none of it exists. I have never even seen any of that money and have not seen a single dollar from a paycheck in years due to technology. Money is stupid.

Other stupid numbers include my weight. I have this one stupid number that is my "ideal". Whatever that means. A good portion of how I view myself is dictated by a number. (this is vain and stupid and I know it isn't healthy, no need to remind me of this in the comments) Today the number went down and I instantly felt fantastic and thin and better. This was not affected by the fact that my clothes fit exactly the same as yesterday and I wasn't actually any smaller at all. The only important fact was that the magic number was better than yesterday. However, had the number been higher I would have felt crappy and mammoth like and had my clothes fit the same as yesterday it wouldn't have mattered, the stupid number was higher so I MUST be bigger.

So my living arrangements as well as everything in my home including me is decided by fake imaginary non existent conceptual numbers. How dumb is that.

So, that is the rant of the day.

A Quickie

Boston watching the big world around him.
I bought these sweet shades in Vegas during a college trip. They now belong to Boston. And he loves them.
Scarlett now waves hello and goodbye. Rather vigorously as you can see.
Would some one care to explain how she got so big so fast. She sat up to the table, ate some of Boston's food, my food, Andy's food and the breadsticks. She had enough food for an adult. I have a toddler at 8 months.

OVER IT

I'm tired of bad things happening. I know you have to have the bad to appreciate the good and blah blah blah. Well I'm over it. I have seen the bad already. I'm ready for a lifetime of nothing but good to follow.

I have too many friends right now in desperate need of prayers. I have too many friends that need love and support. I have too many friends that are crying their eyes out because their hearts are broken. I just want every one to be happy and have lots of fun. Here and Here are two particular people I am thinking about right now that can use your prayers. The rest don't have blogs so you will just have to offer "in general" prayers for them.

The thought that has been keeping me going lately:

The Principle Of Compensation

The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude. Joseph B. Wirthlin (Thanks Heather)